Where Do I Begin

6 Aug 05

2749 souls slept in two horrific moments. One awoke.

I don't think it dawned on me until I was there, standing in the World Financial Center and looking out the window to a panorama of what was but is not. A gaping hole where the towers once stood, now their outlines defined only by a square of orange traffic cones, like victims of a crime yet unsolved. I had never been there. Not during their glory, nor after their demise. Until now. Now I stood before their ghosts, and it dawned on me.

How much has 9/11 changed my life? Incalculable. I divorced from fundamentalist Christianity for good. They saw in the crumbling towers the punishing hands of God and a world spiraling down the widening gyre; I too saw tragedy, but also nobility and bravery--in a word, humanity--shining like candles in the wind. The dead did not speak to me as I stood silent, but they already inspired me. I have more purpose in my life than ever before, if only to do all that I can to prevent it from happening again, if only to live up to heros' sacrifices. I do wonder if I've made the right choice, leaving behind potential wealth and comfort for a life less ordinary. I do wonder, but in the 4 years since, I never regretted and never turned back.

Somewhere along the line I forgot about the beginning, about how the dusk for so many brightly shined in the eyes of one who had been asleep for so long. Until I stood there, slowly possessed by the magnificent ghosts. No catchy political slogans rang in my ears, no blood-curdling last screams. It was peaceful yet surreal, and I saw the silver lining. This is the place of my Renaissance.