The format is simple enough. An instructor pilot (IP) puts the conditions
(where you are, the weather, your call sign, airspeed, altitude, attitude, fuel remaining, condition of engine gauges)
and an emergency(black smoke from the engine, white smoke from the dash board, smoke and flames from under your instructor pilot's seat, bird strike, engine stoppage, fuel pressure loss, oil pressure loss, low-voltage and discharging battery, total electrical failure...)
on the slide, calls a name,(Lt C, Lt L, D1, D2, D10...)
a burning chill speeds down your spine. And the fun begins. Your objective: to apply everything you (are supposed to) know(emergency checklists, systems, aircraft performance, local airports, traffic procedures, radio calls...)
and verbally, in mind-numbing detail and correct sequence, bring the situation to a satisfying conclusion.(that is, you land with your pink body still pink)
Your heart races as you get up off your chair and walk toward the cockpit poster, confidently reciting the only surety in the world right now:
"Sir, I have the aircraft. I'll maintain aircraft control, analyze the situation and take the proper action, land as soon as conditions permit. Sir, I'll maintain aircraft control by..."
Then your mind freezes. A million things are racing through, and yet nothing at all. You're so stunned that today is your day, this is your morning, that you stop thinking normally and logically, and you spurt out whatever words come to mind. The row of visiting lieutenant colonels sitting behind you disappear, yet somehow your legs still start shaking, and between hurried breaths your voice imperceptibly quivers inspite of your best efforts to stay calm. Oh, but they know you're scared. No other student is looking at you, but they are all staring at you with eyes that they didn't even know they had. Some are silently chuckling at your fumbling and the IP's incessant challenges to your plan, others are praying that you can get out of this jam, if only because they wouldn't be called to "help you out" and go through the same breakdown. Today just might be the day that you make it through the entire morning stand-up without mistakes, but it never is. The IP flew F-4s in Vietnam and F-111 thereafter. He's seen shit that you can't ever imagine. Yeah, like hell he's letting you off the hook, you punkass 2nd lieutenant from U. of Wherever.
In the 3 weeks I've spent at IFS, I've learned more about flying--more importantly, the AF way of flying--than the 3 months I spent flying at Edwards, and EP stand-ups are partly why. It has been said by wiser pilots than us that the best planning happens on the ground, and this torture forces us to cram tools and know-hows into our tightly-packed craniums, just in case something does happen in the air. I would've never cared to learn that this plane glides best at 73 knots and can reach 1.8 nm for every 1k ft of altitude lost, that the GPS, transponder and strobe light are the biggest non-essential electrical consumers and we can extend battery life by turning them off or pulling out circuit breakers, that if the IP is on fire it's probably because the flaps-actuating motor right under his seat is burning...
Stand-ups are the biggest rush, if you like solving problems under stress and be publicly humiliated.
Not relevant:
I was so happy that the winds were calm this morning (Morale -> 95% mixed with anxiety) that I completely ignored the fact that we had a sky overcast at 600' AGL. So my sortie was cancelled (Morale -> 85%), but at least I started my Friday early (Morale -> 90%).
